Some of you may have heard the report
on yesterday's PM Programme
on Radio 4* about the Stop
the Hurt project in Peterborough which works with the perpetrators of
domestic abuse. It wasn't the easiest report to listen to. The men were asked
to describe their behaviour towards their partners which included one man
kicking his pregnant partner in the stomach, resulting in the loss of the baby.
As the reporter said, many people listening to this report would think
"this man should have been ... in front of a court, not in front of some
counsellors" but this man deeply regretted his actions and wanted to
change which is why he was there (his partner dropped the charges against him
and the project doesn't take men who have been sent by the courts). In my eyes, that's enough for me to feel some
hope for him and his partner. The project has a reoffending rate of only 2.1%
so these men are committed to the difficult process they're undertaking and
good for them. Good for them for realising that their violent and abusive
behaviour cannot continue, accepting that they need to change and then doing
something about it.
Immediately after on the Six O'clock
News, it was reported that Charles Saatchi has claimed that his ex-wife Nigella
Lawson has a cocaine habit. As you might remember, Charles Saatchi was
photographed with his hands around Nigella Lawson's throat earlier this year;
an incident that led to their divorce. Saatchi had dismissed the event as
"a playful tiff"; accepting a caution from the police but apparently
unable to admit that his behaviour was unacceptable. And now, as is often the
case when an abuser refuses to atone for their actions; the ritual humiliation
of the victim has begun with many of today's red tops pronouncing the claims of
Nigella Lawson’s alleged cocaine habit as if they were fact. Now I have no idea
whether the claims of drug use are true or not but like many women who have
left an abusive partner, it's not over for Nigella Lawson yet and now she's faced with having to defend herself
and her reputation; her word against his.
These two examples, broadcast so close
together just goes to show how confused and complicated our views about the
perpetrators and victims of domestic abuse can be. The men at Stop the Hurt
risk being reviled for admitting to the abuse they had committed but have done
it because they know that what they have done is wrong. That kind of admission
takes immense courage yet I know that there will have been many people shouting
at their radios or even switching it off; unable to forgive them and the way
they had treated their partners. In that report, the role the women were appropriately
allocated was that of victim. So what of Nigella Lawson? Earlier this year I
would have said that she was offered the role of victim by the press too. But
oh, how quickly they have forgotten; so quick to attack her now. The
predominantly patriarchal press hates a successful and strong woman and has
fallen into line with the man of the piece. They would cast Charles Saatchi as
the victim when he is anything but. If I had to choose, I would take the men of
the Stop the Hurt project over him any day. Respect comes out of humility not
force. I wish humility on Charles Saatchi; for his own sake and for that of
Nigella Lawson.
* This report was broadcast on
26/11/2013 and is available on iPlayer until 03/12/2013. The report can be found at 37 minutes and 28
seconds into the episode.
